You're not helping - (1/2)
by Ricewind
Summary: Dawn asks for Xander's advice


Newsgroups: alt.tv.buffy-v-slayer.creative  
Subject: FIC: You're not helping - PG - (1/2)  
Date: Tue, 5 Feb 2002 10:23:02 +0000 (UTC)  
Title: You're not helping - 1/2  
Author: Nick Kean  
E-mail: buffy@beast.gen.nz  
Feedback: Always welcome - be gentle  
Summary: Dawn asks for Xander's advice  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Set a bit before Gone, season 6  
Primary Site: http://www.beast.gen.nz/Buffy/fic/  
Archiving: Yeah, go for it. Let me know where, 'k?  
Disclaimer: The characters and universe herein are the property  
of Joss Whedon, Warner Brothers Network, 20th Century Fox,  
Mutant Enemy, Sandollar, Kuzui, and Greenwolf Productions.  
The piece of fan-written fiction below does not intend to  
infringe upon copyright or trademark.  
"M&Ms" are probally a registered trademark of Some-Big-Company.  
  
  
  
Scene: Int. Magic Box.  
Anya is serving a couple of young girls.  
  
Anya  
There you go little girl. Come back soon ... and often.  
(she walks over to Xander who is at a table  
reading "Budgeting for Dummies")  
I like the small ones - they never count their change properly.  
I skimmed an extra $7.52 off that pair alone.  
  
Xander  
An, you can't short change people just because they won't  
notice.  
  
Anya  
Why not?  
  
Xander  
How can I put this in a way you'll appreciate ...? What do you  
think will happen if they do realise what you're doing? They  
won't bring their money back - ever. And besides ... it's just  
plain wrong.  
  
Anya  
Why?  
  
(Dawn enters)  
  
Xander  
Dawn. Help me explain to Anya why stealing from customers is  
not only bad, but also very wrong.  
  
Dawn  
Umm, because they won't come back?  
  
Xander  
See? Dawn agrees with me.  
  
Anya  
Something said twice by two different people doesn't make it  
right - not in this world anyway.  
(she sits down, unhappy)  
  
Xander  
So, Dawn. Rescue me from the dimension that is budgeting hell.  
  
Dawn  
I don't think I'm qualified to give budgeting advice. No  
incoming and no outgoing - apart from my lucrative sideline  
alphabetising the CD collections of convicted mobsters, of  
course.  
  
Xander  
There's a lot of money in that?  
  
Dawn  
Not as much as you would think. I'm considering taking a night  
job as a supervisor in the factory that makes yellow M&Ms.  
  
Xander  
I hear the green M&M factory promotes faster.  
  
Dawn  
I'm not looking to start a career or anything. I just want the  
satisfaction of providing a valuable contribution to society.  
  
Anya  
(annoyed and angry)  
What are you two talking about? I know you only do this to  
confuse me. Start talking sense or leave my shop.  
  
Xander and Dawn (together)  
Sorry.  
(Anya storms off)  
  
  
Dawn  
Xander, can I talk to you for a minute?  
  
Xander  
You don't even need my permission, you can just start talking.  
I'll probably even do the whole listening thing. If you're  
really lucky, I may occasionally nod knowingly.  
(Dawn giggles)  
Wait a minute. How did you get here?  
  
Dawn  
Forgetful much? Bunch of monks, mystical energy made human.  
Ringing any bells?  
  
Xander  
No, not that. I mean how did you get here, to the shop? Am I  
not picking-Dawn-up-from-school-guy today - which I would have  
eventually remembered to do but you're already here. So getting  
back to the how ...  
  
Dawn  
Yeah, that's kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. See  
there's this guy at school, Mario, he gave me a lift. He's  
really nice and he's got this really cool car and he's got these  
cool scars all over his hands - 'cause he once saved some baby  
puppies from a burning building - and he's really smart and he  
does these amazingly cool paintings of clouds and he'd got the  
coolest smile and I really want him to like me. What should I  
do?  
  
Xander  
This Mario guy sounds so cool I'm surprised he's not frozen.  
He's not frozen is he? That might make kissing a bit ouchful.  
  
Dawn  
No, he's not an icicle. He's a guy that I want to like me.  
Helpful hints required.  
  
Xander  
Well the first thing to do would be to not ask my advice.  
You'd be wanting girlie advice - talk to Buffy.  
  
Dawn  
Yeah right, I can just imagine how that that conversation would  
go. She'd pack me off to the nearest convent. Can't actually  
have Dawn growing up or anything.  
  
Xander  
Well ... what about Tara? Or maybe not. Willow then?  
  
Dawn  
Oh, sure. She loved you for years and did nothing about it  
until you were both involved with other people. I want this guy  
to like me now, not when I'm old and haggard and twenty.  
What about Anya? How did she manage to snare you?  
  
Xander  
I don't think you want to be taking lessons in love from an  
ex-vengeance demon.  
  
Dawn  
Why not? She doesn't do that any more and you two are really  
good together. I want to have that sort of attachment with  
Mario. So fess up; What really is it that a guy looks for in a  
girl? What is it that makes you go "I want to know more about  
her"? Tell me how you knew it was Anya you were destined to  
spend the rest of your life with.  
  
Xander  
I've changed my mind.  
  
Dawn  
You'll give me advice?  
  
Xander  
No, I think you should talk to Anya. But wait until she's  
closed up shop. I don't think she's in a good mood with either  
of us at the moment.  
  
  
  
--   
Willow! I need service! 


End file.
